Suffering is not easy to write about. It is a tough subject because it is very personal and subjective. But we all suffer at some point and we all think about it when we see loved ones suffer.
This journey I am on, has made me much more introspective. It has made me consider God as Emmanuel more and more. I can not imagine going through all I have endured this year alone and without God by my side every step of the way.
So I have been thinking of the Christmas story. I have pondered it from a different perspective this year. And guess what? I found suffering in it! It is not just a nice, clean, and perfect story. No, we have read and heard it so many times, that we just seem to push forward to the beautiful parts. We don't immerse ourselves in the dirt of the manger, the difficulty for Mary traveling heavy with child, the rejection of finding no room, the stinky shepherds intruding, the unhygienic circumstances of giving birth in a place where livestock was kept, the weirdness of being pregnant and unwed. This story has become pretty, to fit in with our beautifully decorated trees, our perfect decorations, and our coordinated kitchen and bathroom Christmas towels.
Today, as I was laying on the radiation treatment table, I considered God's names and attributes. Then I thought about Jesus' names and attributes and I also considered the Holy Spirit's names and attributes. When I was thinking about Jesus, is when it hit me how his life on earth was a suffering from his birth to his death. He was surrounded with this suffering from the beginning of his earthly life: born in a dirty place, not being at home (neither being in Nazareth or in his rightful place in heaven), being welcomed by stinky shepherds, having unmarried parents at the time of his birth, having to flee to Egypt for his very life with his parents, to name but a few things.
The realization that the Christmas story is a story of suffering, just as much as it is a story of joy, filled me with awe! Only God could create something so perfect. This story is a story for all of us: the ones of us who are celebrating loudly and filled with excitement and expectation, but also the ones of us who are contemplating and pondering, unable to be totally carefree and happy. I, for one, am filled with amazement and awe, that the Christmas story is filled with suffering. However, I am so glad that it is also filled with a thrill of hope and eternal joy. I choose to celebrate ALL of this.
In the past few weeks, a dear friend shared two songs with me that have touched me profoundly. One is called "Hard Fought Hallelujah" by Brandon Lake and the other one is "Behold Him" by Francesca Battistelli. I hope these songs do what they did for me, as you prepare room for Emmanuel!
God bless until next time!
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