Surprising Question

I cannot believe that it is April! It feels like I have missed the past few months in the flurry of appointments, procedures and tests. Everything that used to be so important to me in the past has come to a standstill on this breast cancer journey I am on. The illustrations for my third book "Sidney Spies With Oma", have taken a back seat. All the new habits I was going to work on this year have been abandoned. Nothing seems as important as dealing with this breast cancer.

The waiting game has been both good and excruciating at the same time. It has been good, because it has given me time to work through my grief, reflect on my life, strengthen relationships, and exercise my soon-to-be changed body. I know that God has given me this time to make peace with my lot, inviting me to lean into Him alone. However, the long wait between finding the lump in January and now just about ready to finally have surgery has been pure torture as well.

In the beginning of my journey, I welcomed many visitors. One of these visitors was a young woman, who visited me on a Saturday afternoon. We had planned to do some watercolor painting. As we settled in and shared some of our paints and paper, we started talking about my journey.

Then she asked me a surprising question: "what have you learned on this journey so far"? The was totally unexpected, especially from someone as young as her. I have been asked many questions by friends and acquaintances since this breast cancer journey began. Mostly the focus of questions is on the disease itself or about the treatments I will endure. But this question was different. This question dealt with my spiritual and emotional wellbeing. This question was profound.

After thinking about the question a few minutes, I answered her. I told her that there were two things that stood out the most to me since being diagnosed with breast cancer. The first one was how important grace is. The second one was how important thankfulness is.

I went on to explain to my friend what I meant by that. Grace is defined by Merriam Webster as "unmerited divine assistance given to humans for their regeneration or sanctification". God had shown me grace when I had asked Jesus to be my Lord and Savior and God had accepted me into His family many years ago. However, now in this predicament I found myself in having breast cancer, I had experienced His grace in an even more intense way. I had discovered that I was unable to handle any of what this diagnosis entails without His help, and He was there to help me, and be by my side all the time. I don't deserve that at all, because I have often followed my own path, making my plans without consulting God first. Yet He keeps graciously extending His love and care to me.

I also told her, that experiencing that grace from God so closely, has made me more gracious toward others. Many questions people have asked or comments people have made since I found out that I have breast cancer, are inconsiderate and careless. I have cried many tears about that. But, one day after another person had overstepped, I cried out to God about that. He gently reminded me that I have hurt many people in the past with inconsiderate comments or questions as well. Becoming more gracious is not for the faint of heart. It takes introspection and I have to humble myself before God in order for Him to bring about graciousness toward others in me.

Thankfulness is an absolute must on this breast cancer journey. On days when I feel I have absolutely nothing to be thankful for, I make myself find at least one thing I am thankful for, and soon I cannot stop thanking God for all He blesses me with. This act takes my thoughts off of myself and the focus becomes God! Thanking God is an act of worship.

My husband and I have made it a new habit to tell each other three things we are thankful for that day, each evening before reading our devotional and praying. This has been such a life-changing habit. Soon, we are both smiling when talking about these things, because we realize how deeply loved we are by our Heavenly Father.

The young lady and I had such a wonderful time that Saturday. Even though we didn't get too much painting done that day, we shared meaningful time with each other talking about eternal things: Grace and Thankfulness!

Indeed, everything is for your benefit, so that grace, extended through more and more people, may cause thanksgiving to increase to God’s glory.

2 Corinthians 4:15 (HCSB)

In Grace and Thankfulness,