1/10/23
On Day 2 of the Sugar Fast, I was really convicted when I read the question Wendy asked "What do you turn to instead of to Him?" It was a tough question to answer, as at first I struggled to just admit the obvious. I struggle with wanting approval and affirmation from others. Getting off Facebook was enough I thought, but NO, now I knew that I needed to get off Instagram too! Even my Pinterest accounts needed to be avoided. My sharing on this blog with the wrong motives needed to stop. I was shocked and disgusted when I realized my neediness for approval from others, instead of having Jesus be enough for me.
But it got worse! By the afternoon I had developed a mild headache, even after making sure I was drinking enough. I am Wiebke, and I am a sugar addict (even if only for small amounts, as I don't consume much sugar). I am Wiebke, and I am an approval addict. I am Wiebke, and I am a social media addict. I am Wiebke, and I am a pride addict. I wept and I mourned.
The gifts and talents God has generously given to me, I have always been thankful for. However, I have started grasping them like they are mine and they belong to me. I repented from that, and asked God to start transforming me.
1/11/23
Day 3 I was told to be quiet and LISTEN. I was excited about this at first, because I thought that God would be happy with MY progress so far. I am Wiebke, and I am a pride addict... As I asked him about what walls he wanted to bring down, what freedom in him would look like, if there was was anything else he wanted me to fast from, and what his plans were for me as I fast, I was totally unprepared for his answers. One other thing he wanted me to get rid of was my phone! "What do you mean by that?" I asked. He laid on my heart that I spent too much time on there still, and needed to engage with people more by calling them and only using my phone during three designated times each day. I asked him how to do that. He gave me a very creative idea: a box to place my phone into with the words DO YOU LOVE ME MORE?
1/12/23
When I opened The 40-Day Sugar Fast book, for Day 4, I just knew God was going to do something surprising! The day before I had baked two yummy Alaskan Sourdough breads. I had been a good girl and waited for two hours to cut a slice to eat with my dinner. However, we had a yummy meal with Haddock and fries and lots of greens from our Tower Garden and so I really didn't need the slice of bread. But no, I had waited two hours and I decided to have it anyway! Even though I had the gentle nudging of the Holy Spirit and my full tummy, I ignored both and had the slice of bread. I immediately felt sick and bloated - talk about being a glutton for punishment (pun intended).
So, this morning I was staring at the extra loaf of sourdough bread, admiring its beauty and delicious aroma...I am Wiebke, and I am a pride addict. I had to call my hairdresser for an appointment, and as I made the appointment, I heard the gentle quiet voice in my heart telling me to give the bread to my hairdresser! "What?" I said. "No, that bread is meant for my guys!" Just before I made the phone call to my hairdresser, my son had texted me to tell me that this bread was the best I'd ever made.
At the lunch table, I told my husband what had happened. He looked at me with a mix of amusement and disappointment on his face. Then he said to me, "Give it to her, you can always bake more". Such a beautiful gesture of generosity from him, and such trusting at the same time that I have the ability to bake more. I love that! It reminds me of the relationship we should have with our Heavenly Father: asking him to bless others, because he has already given us so much and more blessings are always on their way.
I left for my hair appointment, carrying the loaf of bread in my hands. I walked by the box for my phone and read the words "Do You Love Me More", thinking that I could answer a resounding yes this day. I love him more than yesterday. I love him enough to obey when he asks me to share. And as added bonus, my hairdresser was so thankful for the bread, that she didn't stop smiling the whole time I was there and she also gave me two big hugs!
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